Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
