I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
