The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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