I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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