Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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