nut hugger
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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