the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
