He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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