If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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