farters have to be the big spoon...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
