she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
