i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
