I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
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