The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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