i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
