ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
