i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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