I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
