why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
