is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
