We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
