Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
