Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
