No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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