Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
