Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
