I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
