I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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