I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
