coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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