Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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