i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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