Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
