Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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