You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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