i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
