Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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