I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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