DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
