If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
