ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
