Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
