at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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