I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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