I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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