Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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