I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
