Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
