I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
