Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
