The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
