I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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